Who to Ask to Speak at Your Wedding

Expert Tips on Choosing the Perfect Speakers for Your Big Day

One of the most meaningful and memorable parts of any wedding celebration is the speeches given by loved ones. These speeches add a personal touch to the festivities and make the day even more special. But how do you decide who to ask to speak at your wedding? With so many friends and family members to choose from, it can be a difficult decision. In this blog post, I’ll provide you with some expert tips on how to select the perfect speakers for your big day.

Who’s important to you?

Think about the most important people in your life. Who has been there for you your whole life? Who is encouraging to you and your relationship as a couple? Who helps you live your best?

Maybe some key people quickly jump to mind. If so, great!

Look over this list of possibilities

Look at this long list of options. Does anyone from this list come to mind that you’d like to speak at your wedding?

• Mother/Father of the bride

• Mother/Father of the groom

• Best man

• Maid/matron of honor

• Siblings

• Grandparents

• Aunt/Uncle

• Godparent

• Mentor

• Childhood friends

• College friends

• Work friends

• Bride and groom

Make the ask

Now it’s time to ask these key people. Don’t assume they know you want them to speak and give them plenty of notice so they can prepare.

Give these guidelines to your speakers

Request a 5-minute time limit for each speaker. It’s a headache to listen to Mom share endlessly about every cute thing the groom did from kindergarten through college. A time limit will help reign in the long winded people and your guests will really appreciate it. (Especially if they are hungry or just want to dance!)

Give them 30 days notice or more. Public speaking can be really daunting. Nobody wants to find out they are giving a public speech the night before. (Well, maybe some super outgoing people, but they are rare!) Giving your speakers at least a month to prepare for a speech will ensure that the are emotionally and mentally prepared. It will also ensure they’ve had ample time to think of what sorts of meaningful things they want to say to you.

Tell them what would be meaningful to you. If you want one person to share about something specific, let them know. Or, if you want them to avoid a certain topic, let them know that too. If you value your relationship with them for a specific reason, it can be really helpful to tell them. It not only will give them some direction about where to take the speech, it will strengthen your relationship in general.

Have them write their speech. (Instead of winging it.) This puts some pressure on the folks who would rather not prepare and encourages them to pick and choose thoughtful things to say. It’s uncomfortable for everyone to hear a speaker go on and on without clear direction. Or, they may say lots and “ums” and “ahs” and long pauses as they figure out what to say. If their speech is written out, they will have a clear and to-the-point message. If the speaker is able to memorize their speech, great! But that definitely isn’t required. The main thing is that they put thought and intention into what they will say to you.

Review these bonus tips

If left untended, your speeches can go too long or someone unexpected might grab the mic. Here are some bonus guidelines to make sure it goes smoothly.

Ask your DJ/emcee to monitor the speeches. They can softly play music if the speech is going on too long and they can provide order with who will speak next.

Don’t leave the mic open to just anyone. Sometimes an open mic goes well, but a lot of times a distant friend who barely made the guest list will talk about the groom’s ex-girlfriend and make everyone squirm. It’s a safer bet to intentionally pick 2-5 people to speak at your wedding. A good DJ will help speeches move along properly and make sure there is a barrier to the microphone.

For the people who “didn’t make the cut” – give them a different chance to speak. If someone important doesn’t make the cut to speak at the reception, ask them to speak at the rehearsal dinner or the morning-after brunch. This gives this important person the chance to share the words they want to share. It also keeps the speaking time down at the wedding reception so guests don’t get antsy.

All things considered…

The choice is up to you when it comes to who will speak at your wedding. Give it some thought, then make some requests for these important people to speak at your wedding. Though they may be initially nervous to speak publicly, they will be honored that you asked them. With a little thought, you can make sure that your wedding reception is full of heartwarming words.

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